Monday, June 12, 2006
New Element Discovered
RSR reader DR passed this on to us:
A major research institution (specializing in Intelligent Design) has just announced discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Bushcronium.
Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.
These 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Bushcronium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Bushcronium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.
Bushcronium has a normal half-life of multiples of four years but it does not decay. Instead, it undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Bushcronium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, which in turn forms isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bushcronium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
When catalyzed with money, Bushcronium activates FoxNewsium, an element which radiates orders of magnitude and also generates energy (albeit as incoherent noise), since it has half as many peons, but twice as many morons.
A major research institution (specializing in Intelligent Design) has just announced discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Bushcronium.
Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.
These 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Bushcronium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Bushcronium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.
Bushcronium has a normal half-life of multiples of four years but it does not decay. Instead, it undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Bushcronium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, which in turn forms isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bushcronium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
When catalyzed with money, Bushcronium activates FoxNewsium, an element which radiates orders of magnitude and also generates energy (albeit as incoherent noise), since it has half as many peons, but twice as many morons.
