Friday, April 14, 2006
The War on Easter
Cal Thomas, the man who wears what has got to be the least convincing hairpiece in television punditry, is mad as hell and he's not going to take it anymore.
Thomas is on to the sinister secular war against Easter and, in his Town Talk column, exposes the malign details for all to see. As you will soon see, the evidence is more damning than even an old pagan like RSR might have imagined.
"The first attack came from St. Paul, Minnesota where local officials decided to ban the Easter Bunny from City Hall," so as not to offend non-Christians. "Apparently it escaped the notice of the city council," adds Thomas, "that the Easter Bunny might offend Christians, because, like Santa Claus, it is a counterfeit."
Next, a Florida State University scientist -- it's always scientists and academics, isn't it --"speculated that Jesus didn't really walk on water; he walked on ice... "
Then there was that missing link business. It couldn't be plainer -- to non-Doubting Thomas -- that was obviously a dart aimed straight at the jugular of honest, Bible-believing Christians who just want to celebrate Easter in the peace and privacy of their own homes and mega-churches.
Then, the Skeptic's general staff, apparently embarrassed by the St. Paul gaffe, got really clever. They unearthed the 1,700 year old Gospel of Judas.
"In this document," sniffs Thomas, "Jesus is revealed as having urged Judas to betray him. That a number of Judas' contemporaries said otherwise in Scripture matters not to skeptics."
Of course, there's the soon-to-be released Da Vinci code movie, although the planning was off a bit, apparently, as it will not be in theaters until after the Easter holiday.
Thomas, however, doesn't stop at a mere cataloging of the attacks. He provides the sort of sober analysis of the background to the war that we've come to expect from him:
Biblical literalists everywhere can sleep more soundly at night knowing that they have a man of Thomas' courage, wisdom, and penetrating insight manning the ramparts in their defense.
Thomas is on to the sinister secular war against Easter and, in his Town Talk column, exposes the malign details for all to see. As you will soon see, the evidence is more damning than even an old pagan like RSR might have imagined.
"The first attack came from St. Paul, Minnesota where local officials decided to ban the Easter Bunny from City Hall," so as not to offend non-Christians. "Apparently it escaped the notice of the city council," adds Thomas, "that the Easter Bunny might offend Christians, because, like Santa Claus, it is a counterfeit."
Next, a Florida State University scientist -- it's always scientists and academics, isn't it --"speculated that Jesus didn't really walk on water; he walked on ice... "
Then there was that missing link business. It couldn't be plainer -- to non-Doubting Thomas -- that was obviously a dart aimed straight at the jugular of honest, Bible-believing Christians who just want to celebrate Easter in the peace and privacy of their own homes and mega-churches.
Then, the Skeptic's general staff, apparently embarrassed by the St. Paul gaffe, got really clever. They unearthed the 1,700 year old Gospel of Judas.
"In this document," sniffs Thomas, "Jesus is revealed as having urged Judas to betray him. That a number of Judas' contemporaries said otherwise in Scripture matters not to skeptics."
Of course, there's the soon-to-be released Da Vinci code movie, although the planning was off a bit, apparently, as it will not be in theaters until after the Easter holiday.
Thomas, however, doesn't stop at a mere cataloging of the attacks. He provides the sort of sober analysis of the background to the war that we've come to expect from him:
What is responsible for this flood of skepticism, heresy and outright denial of the biblical record? Why is there not a similar cultural onslaught against other faiths? Only the suicidal would treat Islam in this way. The skeptics sound like those disclaimers for certain drugs sold on TV: Side effects may include vomiting, hair loss, bleeding, dizziness and disorientation. The side effects of believing in Jesus may include loss of friends, disrespect by the academic and journalistic communities and damage to one's career, not to mention a complete change in the life to which one has become comfortably accustomed.
Biblical literalists everywhere can sleep more soundly at night knowing that they have a man of Thomas' courage, wisdom, and penetrating insight manning the ramparts in their defense.
